My Ode “These Days”

July 30th, 2008

What’s this life anyway
What’s it to you and me
What’s it to anyone
Who are we suppose to be

Make me a storybook
And write me away from here
I need it different now

Where we can
Wear each other
For a while and I’ll
lend you my tears
If I could borrow your smile
And we’ll get through tomorrow
Some other day
Happy after
Once upon these days

It’s four roads to anywhere
Four ways to everything
We were unbreakable
We spoke our destiny
Lets take a moment now
Oh and go where we never go
Lets make a new world now

We’re we can
Wear each other
For a while and I’ll
lend you my tears
If I could borrow your smile
And we’ll get through tomorrow
Some other day
Happy after
Once upon these days

And then when though we’ll find
What were looking
back on this time
Wondering how we’ve come so far
From this and when we
close our eyes

What’s this life anyway
What’s it to you and me
What are we doing here
And who are we suppose to be

I’ll take a better world
Oh I’ll take anything
I’ll take out a little more now

Where we can
Wear each other
For a while and I’ll
lend you my tears
If I could borrow your smile
And we’ll get through tomorrow
So much today
Happy after
Once upon these days
Once upon these days
Once upon these days

What I’ve Been Up To

May 16th, 2008

Quite a time had past since my last blog, golly.  What was I upto during those times:

  • Mainly, work has taken up a lot of my waking moments (yes, even on weekends).  We are having our corporate wide reorganization.  The proposal was recently "approved in principle".  Thank God.  However, this means that the implementation phase is following pretty soon.  Another head spinning, mind whirling, energy draining experience is coming our way very soon. 
  • My waking moments were also spent playing The Sims 2.  Yes, I have to admit that I am an occasional Sims-addict. Occasional, because I get tired of it also…until, I have thought of new situations to get my sims into, and that gets me into obsessing about them again. Hehehe.  Ask Inay, Ca, and Ate Rose, about my sim-storioes, no soap opera can beat them.  Because of them, I have turned Ca and Ate Rose into slightly addicts, again (They were addicts na kasi nung first Sims pa lang, kaya again ;-)).
  • I spent the first weekend of March in Bora with two of my very dearest friends.  It was fun.  Work has been very tiring prior to and after that three-day weekend getaway that remembering the moment meant, for us, being back in a "sacred place" that no amount of stress and frustration can ever affect.  This has been our common "happy thought".
  • The second weekend of May was spent at Iba, Zambales.  Our department had a much-needed outing.  The male composition of the group did most of the planning, preparations and all the cooking. Payback time! Hehe.
  • I also attended and participated in a number of weddings, sa dami parang hindi na matatapos (There’s even a bride being prepared in the room next to where I am right now - hehe). Golly, everyone around me is getting married already.  I am happy for them.  Pressure? Me? Nah! I am very happy at the moment ;-).

I am apprehensive about work lately..maybe those thoughts are for the next blog.  I need to prepare myself pa, I have a wedding to attend. :-)

Hana Yori Dango (obsess na kung obsess, pagbigyan ako)

January 23rd, 2008

I so love this Japanese live television series version of the manga.  The pacing of the series was fast, each episode richly exhibited different aspects of the central story, and the lead characters act so well.  I am so into it right now that I have started watching Meteor Garden on DVD just to compare.  I am, however, withholding my opinion until I am done watching the latter.

As with all the other girls who have seen this, I like Tsukasa and Rui. If given the same choices presented to Tsukushi, I will remain confused forever. J

Rubella and I

January 23rd, 2008

Guess what, I have German Measles. Cool huh — a childhood infectious disease at my age.  This just proves how young I am (wink, wink). 

I have been on sick leave since Monday (January 21, 2008) and honestly, I am a wee bit bored.  Well, for one, I cannot surf the net due to a very superficial problem that my bro was able to solve for me today (toinks, toinks).  I had to content myself to reading, playing Sims, and watching TV. Oh yeah, what a life huh?  That is only when I wasn’t sick with fever, however.  But I would rather have a vacation where I can go to places, move normally and not wash my own utensils for fear of infecting others (This is supposed to be contagious 1 week before and after its occurrence, and is passed through nose and throat fluids). 

I wanted a vacation because I wanted to accomplish some things I cannot usually do on a regular weekend.  I think I was given what I wanted.  After all, this illness allows me to function well, still.  I just hope I get to use the remaining rest days wisely, albeit conditionally.

I do not miss work (I remember writing here once that I do.  Does this mean that I am ready for a change…?); I am just a little guilty about leaving my boss on her own.

My greatest concern, however, is my pregnant officemate…Please pray with me that she does not get sick with this…It will be very bad for the baby…Pray tayo, please… L

Leaving for awhile

August 24th, 2007

Finally one of us left; and I fear some more will follow.  I always knew that when we grow up, at least one of us childhood friends will choose to leave the country for work.  I always wondered how it feels when a very close friend, a friend for years at that, will leave the country for greener pastures.  Now I know.

You will suddenly realized how grown up you and your friends have become; how the world ceased to be only within that four (4) little corners of the subdivision you leave in.  You suddenly remember events from the past; how things among you were, how the things you usually do together changed as you, yourselves, have.

Then, you fear.  You fear that you will lose a friend — more friends, even, as time goes.  You fear you will be the only one left behind.  You fear that if those who left come back, you will not know how to pick up where you left off.

But then, you shake yourself up and remember the years you went through, the friendships you built together.  This is when you knew that even if you forget for awhile, even if you are far apart form each other, even if you might not hear from the other far longer than you initially thought, even if you guys will tread on totally different paths from hereon, the friendship you built for the past 13 years of your life will never be replaced, no matter what.  The foundations have been there already.  You are part of each other’s lives, whether you like or no.

Because of this, you hope — that after 18 months, or more, that even if some more will leave, when you see each other, get together again, it is like nobody left; nobody grew old.  The friends you knew then remain to be who they are years and years and years after you first had to leave each other for a while.

Spoiler Alert: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

July 21st, 2007

I’m done reading.  My non-critic and easily pleased mind is deeply satisfied with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  Of course, I cried - a lot, and there are a couple of questions in my mind.  These, however, did not change the overall impact of the book on me.  Kudos to JK Rowling, still!

Albus Percival Wulfric Dumbledore is such a PATIENT man with a very complex and well-partitioned mind that overspills characteristically into his actions.  I knew he’ll not disappoint me.

If I was not sure in the early books, I am now: Harry Potter is, indeed, a hero — largely because of his heart.  The best of such after all, have good hearts.

Browsing for my UHSC

June 30th, 2007

Yesterday, I was browsing my friendster account for friends’ blogs when I suddenly got an urge to go looking for the friendster account of my ultimate high school crush.  After two user name searches, I found it!

I felt giddy with excitement as I browse over this person’s profile, including the uploaded pictures..Same hairstyle, same porma…Some memories came rushing back. I felt very high schoolish all of a sudden.

I wanted to add this person as a friend.  I had to stop myself, though. I doubt if I’m remembered. =p

For Achie

May 5th, 2007

("How are you?" Achie asks this of me a lot. We have not talked for quite sometime now, even teeny-weeny conversations. I miss her naKaya here goes…)

Dearest Achie,

So, how am I? I am ok. The training tires me; much more that college life did — 8 to 5, M-F kasi.  This is not to say it is not fun — It actually is a lot of fun, not to mention I am learning a lot.  I know it will be more fun and less tiring if it has my heart;  I have not given myself to it yet and I do not know If I want to or if I can.  It also seems surreal to me, like I do not see the point just yet.  I also doubt if I deserve to be there and If I can leave up to the expectations attached to being trained under the program. 

I am grateful, however.  What I have been learning so far are extras from what I learned in school.  The facilitators are very passionate with their craft and very good in their fields. 

I am generally happy naman.  But my heart is extra happy, at present.  The situation is not as simple as black and white.  I, currently, cannot truly enjoy it, and, may even lose it "tomorrow"; this is also why I have not talked about it (Don’t worry, it is nothing illegal — hehe).  I have learned, and am still learning, to handle the gray areas in between, though.  This, I guess, is the reason why I have come to this extra happy state — I have chosen to be extra happy despite of. Many people failed to recognize sources of happiness in their lives and since I have come to, I have also chosen to acclaim its existence in me.

Do not worry about me.  I am very resilient.  Most of the time, I just need to speak about how I feel.

Lovelots,

The reluctant Management Trainee who remains to be unattached. HAHAHA!

PS. mwah, mwah, mwah.  

Master na kami

May 5th, 2007

I and my friends from graduate school have formally graduated from our Masters Degree last April 24 (Most of us have been through since October 2006 though).  Since we have known we were graduating, it is amusing how many of us have gotten themselves recently engaged to their partners, one has walked down the aisle even (Best wishes, Aislinn; Congratulations Myr, Tin and Tina).  Of course I am not one of them. Hehe. But I am deeply happy for them.

To my fellow "Masters" (we fondly call each other such): Congratulations, guys!  After all that we have been through together, I hope our friendship will remain despite having graduated from school.  I am happy that you were the ones with me all throughout this milestone.  You would not know how much our support group means to me. You’re the best. Thank you so much. =)

(How I wish I will have such a group as I go through our MDP Training Program in the office. Everything is still abstract to me.  My heart is still not into it.  It has also been very tiresome.  I never thought I’d say this, but, I miss working…)

In the Exigency of Service

May 5th, 2007

(Why have I chosen a career in government service? — an essay about our reason was required from us Management Trainees.  Below was what I submitted)

Truth to tell, my reasons for working in the Government Service Insurance System (GSIS) will not immediately answer the question, “why have I chosen a career in government?”.  It would have been nice to immediately expound on my altruistic motives and my belief in the nobility of public service.  This, however, is not altogether true for me.  You see, the realization of the benefits of having a career in a government service came after-the-fact.  I am already working as a GSIS employee when I realized that I could make a career in government service.

Allow me to digress a little, to first answer why I have chosen to work in GSIS.  I was once asked to prepare an essay answering this question after one panel interview for a position in a unit different from where I am currently assigned.  My reasons then are no different from now.  Why GSIS? It is because I grew up breathing it; partly because it is my father’s right; and because it reportedly gives good compensation and benefits.

My parents are both GSIS employees.  They met, fell in love, married and raised three (3) children through their service in the System.  As a child, I am one of those who were carried around by their parents during anniversary celebrations, summer outings and Christmas parties.    All my godfathers and godmothers are GSIS employees, if not until now, at least during a point in their lives.  I even spent a month of summer vacation studying dance and speech classes sponsored by the System.  This is from a time where GSIS still had offices in Quezon City, a location different from where its current Quezon City District Office is, and Arroceros.  I even spent my practicum with GSIS, in the unit I am currently assigned to, but is not where I am initially admitted for — but this is a different story. One can say that growing up, the only government agency I am familiar with is GSIS.

My father retired from government service in 1997.  The System has an existing Next-of-Kin Policy, which gives employment priority to children of retired GSIS employees.  After my college graduation, my father urged me to submit my resume, I obeyed.  I, however, kept all other options open, and, in fact, work with private agencies for the first two (2) years after my graduation.

Since my father’s retirement, I have been hearing the positive changes (read: increases) in the System’s level of compensation and benefits.  This fact, together with the preceding reasons, made me resign from where I was working when my application for employment to the System is finally processed and accepted. Very utilitarian, indeed. J

Why stay, then, why choose a career in GSIS”?.  Honestly, there were moments that I think I came to be in the government service too early in the point of my career.  I recognize the fact that government agencies are known to be slow in recognizing deserving employees for promotion and that they are misperceived as having lax working environment.  With its current management, the latter is not true for the System.  In my department, we were constantly pushed beyond minimum compliance and complacency, and this I appreciate.  It gives me the feeling that my mind and skills have remained in constant enhancement.

I cannot dispel the importance of career advancement for me, however.  There are times that I still fear that staying in GSIS, or in any other government agency, might mean being in one position far longer that necessary and undeservingly, at that.

Despite such thought, I have come to realize that GSIS provides long-term benefits, those that are meant to give a sense of holistic security to its employees and their families.  The System has aimed for stability amidst globalization and advancement in technologies by recognizing the good in these changes and empowering itself through them.

My three years in service have gradually extricated from myself the minuteness of my perspective about GSIS.  I am not assigned to frontline operations, my regular HR work make me view only the factors affecting us who are inside.  The various projects that lead me in touch with the System’s clients awakened in me its effects on the government employees and pensioners, even the adverse ones that are due to the changes the System is currently implementing.  Now that I have fully understood what the System means to the public it serves — the System’s bigger picture —- I have also come to realize the true meaning of the terms “in the exigency service”, a phrase usually read on Office Orders, but their true meaning lost on us employees.

Some may consider my realization to be slow in coming, some too naïve or idealistic, but my accounts are honest.  Resigning is not far from my mind at times.  Going back to working with private organizations is still an option.  If ever I move to a different government or private organization, I know I will move only to one that will continue to enhance my mind, skills and heart the way GSIS has been doing. With my realizations, staying has become as much an option as leaving.

I still think of leaving, but I know now why I can stay, not only in service through GSIS but in other government agencies, as well.  As short-term as the idea of a career in government service is for me, at present, I can now answer why I have chosen a career in such.  I find satisfaction in the process of achieving and accomplishing goals.  This motivates me more than any amount of reward, monetary or otherwise.  Yes, the latter matters, a lot in fact, but I know I am left dissatisfied when I fail to accomplish something that I set out myself to do.  Now that I have come to visualize my contribution to the larger society as a government employee, my motivation has now been shifted to a higher level — I am committed to work with more than my hundred percent if I see the contribution my organization has for the society’s goals.  Yes, this can be provided by some private corporations, especially those who now have inculcated in their processes the practice of social involvement and responsibility.  But only government organizations can directly affect the lives of the different sectors in our society, increasing the psychic income that popularly drives the government employees, the real public servants.  It is the government agencies, after all, that based their decisions “in the exigency of service”.